Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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