I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
