I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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