but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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