The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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