After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
