how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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