Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
