I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The feeling are messing with the penis
Randomize
