You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
