the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
