I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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