Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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