if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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