So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
