New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
