Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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