Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
