Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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