just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
