People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have already put on my inside pants.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
