..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
