Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
