Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
