if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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