Got a toothbrush?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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