Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
