So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
