i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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