I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
