This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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