i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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