Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
