it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
