I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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