is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
