dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
