Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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