I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
