chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
