home. puking in laundry basket.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
