I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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