check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I smell stomach acid.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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