fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
