I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish you could order shots online.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
