I bet he comes in French.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
