I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
