I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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