he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
