He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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