If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
