Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
