oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
