Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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