That's intense
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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