He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
